Themes and Goals: 2013 Edition

It’s time for another year.  Where did 2012 go?  It was a busy, dream-accomplishing year.

 Highlights? Gained a nephew, graduated with my Master’s, went to Ethiopia and Uganda, full-time employee at a job I love, and saw Ingrid Michaelson in concert.  I also kept my New Year’s Resolution of not drinking soda.  Which if you knew me in college, Diet Coke was a major part of my diet so it was a big deal and I probably won’t go back to drinking soda.

So without any further adieu, the 2013 themes and goals are:

Themes:

Discipline: training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character
Stewardship: the careful and responsible management of something entrusted to one's care

Goals:

• Put at least $350 into savings each month (which will actually be really hard considering student loans will pick up)
• Read 24 previously unread books that have been recommended to me by friends or bloggers that I feel like are my friends or have been on my book list for the last 15 years (and no judgment I haven’t read a few of the classics on my list, I’ve been busy with higher education for 6 years).  Each month there is a spiritual book and then a book that is either fiction or a fun read.   See list below.
• Transition into using completely natural cleaning products. I currently make some of my own products and the only reason I am not 100% natural is the couple I rent from left some cleaning products and I want to use those first #stewardship
• Only buy Starbucks twice a month (I basically do this now but I made a punch card to keep track)
•  Inductively study: Deuteronomy, 2 Timothy, Haggai, Covenants
• Continue working out with my trainer and eat according to Paleo plan 99% of the time (exceptions: wedding cake, corn dip when shared with Kristen (Knoth) Loney, pumpkin chocolate chip muffins in the fall)
• Visit Silver Dollar City at least 8 times to make my season pass worth it :)
• Outline a book of the Bible each month to add on to my Bible Overview Project from the Institute
• Run at least 2 organized races
• Write a book?

The Month by Month List:

January: Fully Alive by Ken Davis, I was Told There’d be Cake by Sloan Crosley, outline Genesis

February: What Women Fear by Angie Smith, Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern, outline Exodus

March: 10,000 Reasons by Ann Voskamp, The Help by Kathryn Stockett, outline Leviticus

April: ‘Til We Have Faces by C.S. Lewis, My Life in France by Julia Child, outline Numbers

May: Hole in My Holiness by Kevin DeYoung, The Fault in Our Stars by John Green, outline Deuteronomy

June: Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst, Peace Like a River by Leif Enger, outline Joshua

July: The God I Never Knew by Robert Morris, Girls in White Dresses by Jennifer Close, outline Judges

August: Respectable Sins by Jerry Bridges, To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee, Outline Ruth

September: Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster, Out of Africa by Karen Blixen, outline 1 Samuel

October: Bittersweet by Shauna Niequist, The Happy Prince and Other Tales by Oscar Wilde, outline 2 Samuel

November: Desiring God by John Piper, Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell, outline 1 Kings

December: The Explicit Gospel by Matt Chandler, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith, outline 2 Kings

What am I looking forward to in 2013?  Attending Passion with Kanakuk, seeing live theatrical events (Mary Poppins and Disney on Ice, and I’m sure more to come), going on a long-talked about Seattle vacation with one of my best friends, and seeing Christine Caine at the 2013 Women of Faith conference.

It’s going to be a good year.

What are your goals?

to become whole.

Excuse my blog hiatus for the past few months.

Sometimes life happens and you forget to do things that you were so disciplined with once upon a time.

Plus I had some major life events and major life decisions demanding my attention. 

And being an adult is exhausting. 

And let’s be honest, it is football season (Go Wildcats).

But in the midst of the joy, the Lord’s constant faithfulness, and my daily living, my heart still aches for a country that requires 24 hours of travel to step foot on the red dirt.

It has been five months since I stepped foot back on American soil. 

Five months since I have held a child who was fighting malaria. 

It has been five months since I have seen the joy in the chocolate colored eyes of the children. 

Five months. 

It has been five months since my heart has been shattered into a million pieces. 

And yet it takes longer than five months for this heart of mine to heal.

I think the ache in my heart is a permanent ache.  I don’t think I will ever feel whole again.

Isn’t that the point?  To have an ache that nothing can satisfy but the Lord?  To so deeply long for wholeness that you sacrifice every comfort and convenience to follow a God who promises wholeness? A wholeness that only He can provide?  

Nothing in this life is worth it.  Nothing is worth the wholeness that comes with pursuing and knowing the Lord.  Nothing is better than allowing the Lord to take your hurts, your sin, your sheer brokenness and making you a new creation.  We rise because Christ has been raised to life.  We are saved by faith

The ground is level at the foot of the cross and we are no longer in bondage.  We are made whole.

Sitting on this the truth, I am comforted by the words in Revelation 21:4-7

”and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.” ⁵ And He who sits on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” And He *said, “Write, for these words are faithful and true.” ⁶ Then He said to me, “^[It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give to the one who thirsts from the spring of the water of life without cost. ⁷ He who overcomes will inherit these things, and I will be his God and he will be My son.”

And piece by piece my broken heart is being glued back together again.

A Heart that Breaks

I have been going through Nehemiah: A Heart that Can Break by Kelly Minter.  I bought the study with intentions of doing it this past spring with my church but in normal fashion, I over-committed myself and made the decision to not attend.  Little did I know that after a month in Africa, Nehemiah and I would have a lot in common.

The summary of Nehemiah is simple: it is a story of what God can do with a compassionate heart that understands that the Lord wants to redeem His people.  Nehemiah and I both have a heart for His people.

Nehemiah is rebuilding his people who have no hope.  We all need to rebuild.  It is a messy process, restoration takes time.  But it is worth every second to have a heart that the Lord can use to change the world.

It has almost been a month since I left my heart in another country.  As much as I wish I could forget the people I met while in Ethiopia and Uganda, I can't.  I selfishly want to live my life wiith the way it was before I left.  I returned changed.  I no longer want to live as an entitled American.  I want to work for the sole purpose of paying off my student loans to return to a country that captured my heart.  My heart is burdened with those who need the Gospel.

The Lord gave me a tender heart to see His people come to him through His Son.  I didn't ask to be changed.  I did not know that going there would mean that my heart would never feel the same.  I didn't know how radically I would want to change the way I have lived my life for 24 years.

I have trouble getting through each day without tears.  The weirdest things set me off but I think the reminder of the month I was gone is a blessing.  I don't ever want to forget how I felt walking back into the U.S.  The emptiness, the anger, and the bitterness have left a stain on my life and serve as a reminder of how blessed I am and what I need to do with that.

  At times, I want to sell all I own and walk away from the comfortable life I have been living.  I am Stateside (for now) but I have come to realize that "sometimes the most accomplished people are not the ones with the most ability but with the most breakable hearts (Kelly Minter)."

Nehemiah 9:31, Nevertheless, in Your great compassion You did not make an end of them or forsake them, For You are a gracious and compassionate God.

I Saw What I Saw

'How was your trip?' is a dreaded question.  Its not that I don't want to tell you about it because I do.  I want you to listen as I share each miracle I saw, tell each orphan's story and explain how I have been changed.
I want to tell you about the brokenness, the poverty, the hurt, the pain.  I want to tell you that I saw joy, hope and faith.
I just don't know how to put into words what I have experienced and what I am experiencing back in the States.  I don't know how to tell you what I feel because I am not sure of what I am feeling.  A month in Africa changes a person.
Instead of focusing on the job search, I find myself worrying about Patience and if she went to bed hungry or is Nati's cut on his foot healed.  I feel empty when I walk into Target and guilt over the Apple products I own.  I find myself tearing up when brushing my teeth with tap water or opening up the fridge that is stocked full of food.
The faces of the children I met have stained my thoughts.  It was easy to forget about the orphans when I hadn't met them.  Now that I have face with the idea, it has changed me.  Isaiah 61 has been deeply implanted into my life.
I don't typically listen to Sara Groves but my trip leader recommend this song to our team.  She wrote the song after she returned from a trip to Rwanda.  It captures exactly what I'm feeling as vague as the lyrics seem.


"I saw what I saw and I can't forget it.
I heard what I heard and I can't go back
I know what I know and I can't deny it
Something on the road, cut me to the soul
Your pain has changed me
Your dream inspires
Your face a memory
Your hope a fire
Your courage asks me what I'm made of
and what I know of love."


The Lord is in the process of redeeming the world from pain and heartache.  I am new on the scene.  He has been present all along.  I have to trust in that fact.


Your Kingdom come, Your will be done. On earth, as it is in Heaven.

In Faith

Flying 8,300 miles from home is hard for the heart. Flying from America to a country that is full of poverty? Breaks your heart into 1,000 little pieces. Everything that seemed to matter in the states seems irrelevant there.

 I have seen Ethiopian and Ugandan villages fight for dirty, disease-ridden water, young kids struggle with incurable diseases, mothers hide their babies from fear of  local witch doctors using their child as a sacrifices to theirs gods.  The world is lost.

I had the opportunity to stay in Ethiopia for another month.  As I entertained the idea, the Lord made it very clear to me that I would be acting out of fear because if I stayed in Ethiopia, I wouldn't have to think about that I have yet to find a job.  I wouldn't have to face the rejection of the job search.  I wouldn't have to worry about finances and paying back my student loans.  I could serve and love the fatherless.  My comfort zone became Ethiopia.  When I saw the broken, hungry and poor, I knew what to do, I knew my place in the villages.   I fully trusted the Lord to provide for the villages and saw His hand in all we did.

It took more faith for me to board the plane and head back to the States than it would have been to stay in Africa.  I am returning to situations that are unknown and unfamiliar. I have no plan for my next step.  Selfishly I wanted to stay, the Lord made it clear that Ethiopia is not my promised land.  This trip has prepared me for something greater (and truly only the Lord knows).  I hope to be back one day but with saying that, the Lord can competely change my heart.

My heart is for the unreached.  The power and urgency of the Gospel is deeply woven into my heart.  At times over the past month I became desperate about getting the power of His Word across.  I need to learn how to transfer that passion to a place that lives in excess.  

The Lord's Sense of Humor

When I went to the Insitute I had to write belief statements. To sum it up, I wrote 10 statements about different aspects of my faith and backed up my beliefs with Scripture. in mY God the Father statement I stated that I firmly believed that God has a sense of humor. It's true that the Lord has a sense of humor because even in Africa I just have to laugh at my life.

 1. I despise moving, I hate packing and like being settled and organized. I traveled almost 9,000 miles away from home to still be living out of a suitcase and storage containers. I spent 6 days in Ethiopia, 6 days in Uganda, 3 days in Ethiopia, 6 days in Uganda and then finish the trip with 6 days in Ethiopia.

 2. I hate feet. I dont enjoying painting women's nails. And especially don't enjoy painting toenails. My team had the opportunity to minister to a tribe in Uganda that is the lowest of the low and the poorest of the poor. Essentially the social rejects of Uganda. When my team went to the Kilamonjung tribe, we brought fingernail polish. I kid you not, each woman hat came to me want their toenails painted. Now remember that most women in this tribe don't have shoes. So their feet we're not necessarily the most taken care of.

 3. The last 2 summers I was in charge of the kitchen at kamp. I joked with my girls that my proudest moment as DHDL was being able to maneuver myself under the dishwasher to scrape food particles into the drain without touching the ground. Little did I know that would come in handy when I have to use the restroom and that restroom consisted of just a hole in the ground.

 4. Physical touch is not my love language. Apparently it is the universal love language of Africa. So basically that means I have had no personal space since the day I arrived here. As my support for my belief that the Lord has a sense of humor I just said my life was an example. It's constantly proving itself true!

Some Days

The thought of sitting down and summarizing days 4-8 is an overwhelming task. It is hard to process everything but know this for a fact: this is difficult, uncomfortable, tiring and emotional. But I wouldn't change where I'm at right now, even though I miss the comforts of kamp.

 Some days I feel guilty about how I worry about employment in the fall when the people I work with daily don't know where their next meal is coming from. Some days my heart is so full of joy because I see a tangible result at the end of the day. Some days I am covered in thick red dirt that has staned my skin because I laid on the ground with a child to look at the clouds. Some days are easier than others. Some days I don't want to see anymore hurt, poverty or need because I can only do so much to fix the problem. Some days I don't think my heart can take anymore breaking.

 The passage of scripture that brings me comfort is Daniel 4:34-35 which reminds me that the LORD is sovereign and His domain is everlasting.

Ethiopia: Days 1-3

Day 1: The day we arrived we went straight to the Fistula hospital in Addis Ababa.   This was one of the three things i was most looking forward to.  Women who struggle with fistula are shunned from their villages because they are unable to have children.  We toured the facility and spent time sitting with the women.  The fistula hospital not only helps heal the women, it teaches them that they are worth the fight to keep alive.  The nurses teach trades so the women learn how to sustain themselves after they are healed.  It is a phenomenal program that literally revamps the entire life of a woman.  These women have been shunned from their tribes, so for a group of people to willingly come in sit with the women and spend time with them was a highlight for them. Dispite their circumstances they possess so much joy. At the end of their treatment they are given a new outfit to signify their new, fistula-free life. Despite the team's pure exhaustion from traveling for 48 hours with little sleep, it was worth it to see the smiles on the faces of the women learning that they are a vital part of society. Day

2: The next day we spent the day in a village called Korah and a leper colony.  Korah is home to 120,000 people.  Their main source of finances and food is to dig through a trash dump and either sell or eat what they find.  I have never been so humbled and so convicted of how I live.  Even the smallest amount of gifts meant the world to them.  The kids flock to us and so badly want physical touch, at one point I had one child on my back, one on my hip and was holding the hand of another. In any other situation I would have probably been disgusted by the flies, the smells and and the leprosy but here it is a different ball game.  I willingly picked up kids that society wants nothing to do with. They are so affectionate and show their love for others in tanglible ways. Even thoughh Korah seems hopeless, the Lord is working in mighty ways. It is home of three vital ministries: Great Hope, Mission Ethiopia and Project 61. Great Hope focuses on rebuilding Korah's community by starting feeding programs and utilizing natural resources. Mission Ethiopia focuses on empowering change and impacting those of Korah who are fatherless. They teach the residents of Korah to support themselves and their families by working at the trades they are gifted at. My favorite of these is Project 61. Project 61's primary purpose is to partner with local organizations in under-privileged areas to develop communities and their residents. Care is given to immediate areas of need such as orphan care and health issues. Through feeding programs and child sponsorships, urgent needs are met to allow for development of long-term solutions.    
     Later that day we spent time in a leper colony.  I will admit, I was naive of leprosy.  The only thing I knew about it, I took from scripture. Walking into the colony, nothing phased me but not in an 'I don't care' kind of way but in a 'every person needs to feel Christ's love' kind of way which is of course how we should live our everyday lives. You can't catch leprosy from physical contact. That simple fact alone gave my team and me freedom to love on people who have been shunned from society.

 Day 3: Part of Project 61's sponsorship program allows each sponsored kid to attended a boarding school about 4 hours away. P61's believes that education is the gateway to freedom and change. My team had the opportunity to spend the entire day at Shashamne Boarding School. With having been at Korah the day before, it meant so much mOre because we knew where these kids had come from. That afternoon we split the girls and boys up and spend the next hour talking to the girls about their worth in Christ. I had the opportunity to share the Gospel at the end. Which in itself is a personal victory because this time two years ago I would not had enough confidence to share my faith. The Institute grew me so much in this area because I have nothing to fear because I know that what I am saying is Truth. The things I am most passionate about in life is God's Word. I got emotional after I sat down because it finally hit me. I am in Ethiopia sharing the Gospel with the people that need to hear it. After I sat down, I got such a sense of urgency to share with the unreached people groups.

The time is now

I am 13 hours away from living my dream. Literally. I'm in DC getting ready to board.  It has been a 6 year long journey since I first realized the Lord was calling me to Africa. And in His perfect timing, the time is now. For such a time as this He has been preparing me over the past 6 years for this trip.          At kamp we have morning meetings with the staff and we can sign up to do a devo. In typical Sarah fashion I signed up for the day before I left since clearly I didn't have enough to do. I spoke on living outside of your comfort zone which I have plenty of examples to go off of called my life.        As I left kamp yesterday I had a conflicted heart. Staff kept asking if I was excited or ready to go. All I could say was 'I'm not there yet. I'm in kamp mode.'  I wanted to stay and minister to families. I wanted to do what was comfortable. The thing is, the Lord has not called me to be comfortable.          I need to be out of my comfort zone to be reminded of the Lord's faithfulness.  I need to be out of my comfort zone to grow in my relationship with the Lord. As I look back over the past 6 years, I have spent majority of them out of my comfort zone but I would not trade what I have learned about His character for a comfortable life. I know I will not fall because I stand on His Word and His truth nor will I cease to bear fruit in this time (Jeremiah 17:7-8)      So here I go again, doing something else that scares me so I can learn a little but more about the Lord's character and serve the Lord in a way that I wouldn't be able to do in the states. Peace out friends, I hit the ground running when I land!

Tomorrow is Only a Day Away

I leave tomorrow afternoon.  WHAT the WHAT?
I have been allowing myself to get excited for what tomorrow brings.  My to-do list is shrinking (and nothing is getting added which is usually the case).
I have never left kamp when it was still going on.  I have a weird range of emotions but the Lord did not call me to be comfortable this summer so I am traveling roughly 8,300 miles away to see what the Lord has in store for me.
Bring it on.

Insanity

It has been an insane two months.  Spring always has a habit of creeping up on me and then speeding by. Here are some highlights:

1. Gained a nephew April 5th.  Logan, welcome to the family.
2.  Finished my internship and said goodbye to Cabana 17 for the final time (read: currently living the nomad life until August)
3.  I have finished grad school and have a Masters of Arts in Ministry, emphasis in pastoral counseling and a concentration in Biblical Studies
4. Found out I needed about $600 more than expected for Ethiopia, the Lord provided it in 6 days.
5.  Applied for countless jobs (no word yet)
6.  Trained a new DHDL and said goodbye to my life in the kitchen at kamp this summer
7.  I leave for Ethiopia in 6 days.  I remember when I started the countdown at 347 days.

Over the past few months I have been encouraged, broken, and tested.  The Lord has remained faithful even when I doubt His presences in my life.

Seasons

In just a few weeks I will be moving off the Lake Shore.

-I have been here month-wise more than I was in Manhattan for College (24 total months vs. 28 months)

-It has been my most permanent address since my parent's house

It is always hard to move from one season to another. When I graduated college, I cried on the way back to Kansas City because I knew that that season of my life was over. This cabana-living, island-themed season of my life means so much more to me than college did. (Read: i will be a hot mess when I close this chapter of my life)

This weekend is leadership weekend for kamp. As you know, I stepped down from leadership and will not returning to kamp. I've been great with it because I have an incredible director who is letting me work Staff training and I am going to Africa for a month.

Last night I picked up my director's kids to hang out with them while meetings were going on. It hit me like a ton of bricks: I am not going back to a place that I love and has become so much of who I am. And in that moment I failed to remember that the Lord has called me somewhere else: Ethiopia.

In that moment I was an Israelite. While they were wandering around the wilderness they wanted to go back to Egypt. Egypt was comfortable and they had food and shelter but they were in bondage and they forgot that they were on their way to the Promise Land!

I am not comparing kamp to being in bondage but it has a piece of my heart that makes it hard to look forward to what is coming up in my life. I was so focused on what I was missing out on that I forgot to look at what I was being called to.

I am going to Ethiopia.

It still doesn't seem real but it is.

Week 1

This marks the 7th day on my 40-day challenge.

I would like to say that the Lord has granted me a great peace within me but it comes and goes with time and circumstances.

On Tuesday, I was so excited about my future and I don't know what I am doing in 3 and a half months.

Then yesterday happened. We are remodeling at Gap and tensions got pretty high and it hit me that the possibility of me working at Gap is my current plan. I freaked. I love working at Gap (most days) but it is not my passion. I have to remind myself that the people are my passion. Gap needs Christ.

As I have been reading through the Psalms, I have been stuck on Psalm 27. I can't get past this beautiful chapter. I am technically meant to be on chapter 45 but I keep rereading chapter 27. It's titled 'A Fearless Trust in God.' Y'all, seriously so good.

Even though I am in a constant battle with my flesh about the next few months I know the the goodness of the Lord will not fail me.

13: I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would have seen the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

Wait for the Lord.

40 Day Chaellenge

4o days from now is Tuesday, April 17th.

At that time I will have completed my internship with the Kanakuk Institute, will have moved of the Lake Shore and will have two and a half weeks in my Master's left. During the past few months I have been applying for jobs I have gotten nowhere. At the end of college I was under qualified without a masters and now that I will have one I will be overqualified. I just need one person to take a chance on me so I can prove myself.

I know the Lord is sovereign in this, I know that the right job hasn't come along. I know the Lord will provide. Each day I pray through my fears and anxieties and hand it over to the Lord. And chose to trust Him.

After doing a word study (and google search) on the number 40, I have decided to do a 40 day challenge. The number 40 is mentioned 146 times in the Bible and directly correlates to trials, testing and probation. It is also the product of 5 and 8. The number 5 points to the action of grace and 8 means revival and renewal.

I am stopping the job hunt for 40 days. No more googling jobs, putting in applications or handing random businesses my resume (yes, that has happened). I have 3 applications that I have yet to hear about and IF I hear from them, I will act on them. I am going to focus on this sweet (somewhat scary) time of the unknown, just me and the Lord.

So for the probably 5 of you that still read this, please keep me in your prayers in the next 40 days as I pray for vision and clarity about my next step.

Bring on the next 40 days.

The Possibilities.

I have applied for 11 jobs.

I have been turned down for 10.

With that being said, I needed a job-hunting break.

So I applied to be on the game show Wipeout.

Here's to a summer without kamp.

Food for Thought

I desire to stay and Branson and have an overwhelming sense of peace to do so.

At what point do I pursue job opportunities elsewhere because the job market is not that great here?

The Lord is provider. This I know.

My daily prayer is that my desires for my life align with His.

So what now?

I've pursued jobs and gotten nowhere.

Do I stay in retail because my heart for this city is greater than I ever imagined?

Or do I close the chapter of Branson after 2 years?

Then what?

Welcome to my thought process.

No Ifs, Ands or Buts

My Summer Home

I am not returning to Kauai this summer.

I can't explain my decision making process because somewhere deep inside me I know that I am not meant to be there this summer.

This creates a problem.

Most people who do not return usually tell their directors "I'm not coming back BUT...(insert some really cool life choice)"

Not this girl.

My conversation went like this:

"I'm not returning to Kauai this summer." End of statement. No ands or buts. I have no plans but I am willing and open for what the Lord does.

It is one of the hardest decisions I have had to make. I am not adding that in for dramatic flair (we all know I love a little drama).

I have been blessed by so many people in my life. When I think about my closest friends they fall into three catorgories: high school, college and kamp (which includes the Institute).

So walking away from a support group, a job I adore and not to mention a steady paycheck, a place to live and food to eat was hard. Nothing compares to the peace that I know comes from the Lord because I have acted on faith and made the right decision.

And I have no plans for when I return from Ethiopia July 4th (tentative date). It is a huge leap of faith and I am slowing coming to terms with the fact that the Lord's way of providing might be working at Gap in Branson this summer (and possibly into the school year). But why should I complain? I will be exactly where I am meant to be. The Lord is not leading me out of Branson just yet. It will be hard to be in Branson while Kauai is going on but I am confident.

My situation reminds me a lot of what my kamp directors a few years ago went through. In April they resigned and did not have a next step. It was months before Will got a job. I remember thinking that I want to display faith like that.

A faith like Abraham who did not want to sacrifice his only son but was willing. And the Lord provided for Abraham, just like He always does.

And now comes the hard part, when I tell families I have known for 4 years, staff that have become like family and my fellow leadership team that has been there for me since day 1.

There are no ifs, ands or buts when it comes to following the Lord. You do what He asks. So here I am, standing at an somewhat open summer and no idea what to do with it.

Isaiah 6:8

“I don't always knew where this life is going. I can't see the end of the road, but here is the great part: Courage is not about knowing the path. It is about taking the first step. It is about Peter getting out of the boat, stepping out onto the water with complete faith that Jesus will not let him drown.”

Katie J. Davis (author of Kisses from Katie)

One of the most terrifying things in the Christian life is to be completely open to the Lord's doing.

There, I said it.

Not a lot of Christian's admit that but I am.

I'm terrified to see what the Lord does in my life in the next 6 months. I also have never been so excited because I can't even begin to paint a picture of what I will be doing in 7 months.

I have always wanted the Lord to lead me wherever He has me. I lived in Kansas City for 19 years, moved to Manhattan, KS for 3 and I have been in Branson, Mo for almost 2 years.

But the fact is, no matter where I am going, I am giving up a life that is comfortable. I am changing my routines, my community and trusting the Lord through it all. And sometimes its hard.

The cost of following Christ is worth it. It is worth the struggle. It is overwhelming to be at the point that I am currently residing. I graduate my masters and May and have no leads on jobs. But I have nothing to hold me back from where the Lord is calling me. I can go anywhere, I can do whatever I want. Too many options is almost as bad as not having any options. The problem is I am constantly navigating a balancing act between the two.

I have 5 weeks to decide whether or not I am returning to kamp. To reference a journal entry from last summer: "This is a season of my life and if it is time for it to close, then so be it. My greatest desire is to bring glory to my Lord and if I can do it better somewhere else then that is where I need to be." (7.24.11)

And with the conviction of the Holy Spirit and scripture and then conviction of that journal entry, I can't quiet that stir in my heart that Ethiopia may be where I spend my entire summer.

Pictures are Worth 1,000 Words

Been absent from the blog world for a while. Here's why:

Oklahoma State beat University of Oklahoma.

I root for the state schools. Only state schools.

Went to a K-Kauai Christmas party and these girls I have been working with since 2008. And now we all live in Branson. Ironic.

My roommate and I went to Silver Dollar City. And got a funnel cake that had been talked about for months. Literally.

Went to a Lady Antebellum concert in Springfield. Worth it.

Watch one of my closest friends of 18ish years walk down the aisle and change her last name.

On an Africa-related note: I am OFFICIALLY going for a month. I leave June 7th and will return to the states July 4th. The Lord is so good.

Life in Branson is wonderful, although I lost half my friend group due to life I love being here. The Christmas tree is still up and we just got a Tervis store. The community is challenging but such a blessing. And I go to church in a castle.