Thursday, January 10, 2013

The Black Hole of My Life

I started college as a Fashion Merchandising major that I stuck with until I changed majors halfway through sophomore year. During the fall semester of sophomore year I transferred from a community college to Kansas State University (EMAW) where I enrolled in Intro to Human Development with Dr. Kelly Welch.  Little did I know that Dr. Welch had already left her mark on the Yocum family.  If I remember correctly my older brother changed his major from business to criminology after taking the same class.

So after my second week of class I walked out of class in Umberger Hall and promptly walked over to Justin Hall and submitted my paperwork for a degree change.  Changing to Family Studies and Human Services is probably one of the top 3 best life choices I have ever made (promptly followed by never cutting my own bangs no matter how tempted I was)  I probably thought less about that decision than deciding what flavor of ice cream to get at Coldstone Creamery (which inevitably is always ends up being a 'Like It' size of 'Berry Berry Berry Good', and if I am feeling a little crazy I'll add graham crackers).  But I digress.

Here is a confession from a former fashion-obsessed merchandising major:

I am not a fan of purses.
There, I said it.  I know for a fact that my 17-year-old-fashion-pursuing-self would be disgusted with me.

Let me explain.
In college I used a backpack because I over-committed myself and would leave my house 6am and wouldn't return until at least 11pm every night.  Why carry a purse when I can throw my wallet-keychain thing in my bag?

During the summer I worked at a camp and used a glorified hiking bag for everyday activity.  It held all I needed to go from the pool to the dining hall to Bible study.

It worked so well that for the last 2 years I haven't moved away from my trusty Mountainsmith bag but would sometimes alternate with my backpack depending on if I had a paper due.

But then I got a big kid job.  I decided I needed a purse.  I went to Target bought a grey one because it works for all seasons.  It wasn't even on sale.  It was a huge step for me.

I told myself I would keep is nice and organized.  But soon I was fighting a losing battle.  I running late so I would throw my make-up in my bag, I would print off a blog to read later and it would be shoved next to the book I decided to carry in case I had down time. I would drink half a bottle of water and not wanting to waste it, put in my purse for later.

I consistently have scraps of yellow legal pad with almost-genius ideas for my potential book I want to write.  I usually have a bag almonds for a protein-filled snack.  I always have Purell, a variety of Sharpie pens, and chapstick.  Not to mention the usual purse-dwelling items like a wallet, car keys, and my cellphone.

My purse is a black hole that represents my life (much like my Google search history). It is a black hole that holds my crazy life together.  I can tell you exactly everything that is in my purse right now followed by with my justification for having it.

I truly believe that everyone organized person has that one area in their life that is unorganized.  Monica had the mysterious closet on Friends and I have my grey purse.

But I stand with Nora Ephron on this one:
"I hate my purse.  I absolutely hate it.  If you're one of those women who think there's something great about purses, don't even bother reading this because there will be nothing here for you.
This is for women who hate their purses, who are bad at purses, who understand that their purses are reflections of negligent housekeeping, hopeless disorganization, a chronic inability to throw anything away, and an ongoing failure to handle the obligations of a demanding and difficult accessory...Because here's what happens with a purse.
You start small.  You start pledging yourself to neatness.  You start vowing that This Time It Will Be Different....
But within seconds, your purse has accumulated the debris of a lifetime."

Amen, Nora.  Amen.

I vow to clean out my purse tonight. Maybe.
To make like of my black hole, I decided to host my first ever contest on my blog!

So here's the deal.  If you are the first person to correctly guess the answer, you win a 16 oz. Tervis Tumbler!  All you have to do is comment on this blog with your answer by Friday, January 11th at 11:59PM!  Easy right?

There is one item in the list below that is not in my purse.  Which one is it?
Ear piece for a microphone
Small pepper grinder
Mustard yellow kitchen timer
A Beth Moore Bible study
Internet bill
SDC calendar
16 oz. Tervis Tumbler
A packet of Pink Lemonade Spark
Candyland band-aids
Decaf K-Cup

May the odds be ever in your favor.

And thank you Dr. Kelly Welch, because without you, I probably would not have read this much into my purse.