No Ifs, Ands or Buts

My Summer Home

I am not returning to Kauai this summer.

I can't explain my decision making process because somewhere deep inside me I know that I am not meant to be there this summer.

This creates a problem.

Most people who do not return usually tell their directors "I'm not coming back BUT...(insert some really cool life choice)"

Not this girl.

My conversation went like this:

"I'm not returning to Kauai this summer." End of statement. No ands or buts. I have no plans but I am willing and open for what the Lord does.

It is one of the hardest decisions I have had to make. I am not adding that in for dramatic flair (we all know I love a little drama).

I have been blessed by so many people in my life. When I think about my closest friends they fall into three catorgories: high school, college and kamp (which includes the Institute).

So walking away from a support group, a job I adore and not to mention a steady paycheck, a place to live and food to eat was hard. Nothing compares to the peace that I know comes from the Lord because I have acted on faith and made the right decision.

And I have no plans for when I return from Ethiopia July 4th (tentative date). It is a huge leap of faith and I am slowing coming to terms with the fact that the Lord's way of providing might be working at Gap in Branson this summer (and possibly into the school year). But why should I complain? I will be exactly where I am meant to be. The Lord is not leading me out of Branson just yet. It will be hard to be in Branson while Kauai is going on but I am confident.

My situation reminds me a lot of what my kamp directors a few years ago went through. In April they resigned and did not have a next step. It was months before Will got a job. I remember thinking that I want to display faith like that.

A faith like Abraham who did not want to sacrifice his only son but was willing. And the Lord provided for Abraham, just like He always does.

And now comes the hard part, when I tell families I have known for 4 years, staff that have become like family and my fellow leadership team that has been there for me since day 1.

There are no ifs, ands or buts when it comes to following the Lord. You do what He asks. So here I am, standing at an somewhat open summer and no idea what to do with it.

Isaiah 6:8

“I don't always knew where this life is going. I can't see the end of the road, but here is the great part: Courage is not about knowing the path. It is about taking the first step. It is about Peter getting out of the boat, stepping out onto the water with complete faith that Jesus will not let him drown.”

Katie J. Davis (author of Kisses from Katie)

One of the most terrifying things in the Christian life is to be completely open to the Lord's doing.

There, I said it.

Not a lot of Christian's admit that but I am.

I'm terrified to see what the Lord does in my life in the next 6 months. I also have never been so excited because I can't even begin to paint a picture of what I will be doing in 7 months.

I have always wanted the Lord to lead me wherever He has me. I lived in Kansas City for 19 years, moved to Manhattan, KS for 3 and I have been in Branson, Mo for almost 2 years.

But the fact is, no matter where I am going, I am giving up a life that is comfortable. I am changing my routines, my community and trusting the Lord through it all. And sometimes its hard.

The cost of following Christ is worth it. It is worth the struggle. It is overwhelming to be at the point that I am currently residing. I graduate my masters and May and have no leads on jobs. But I have nothing to hold me back from where the Lord is calling me. I can go anywhere, I can do whatever I want. Too many options is almost as bad as not having any options. The problem is I am constantly navigating a balancing act between the two.

I have 5 weeks to decide whether or not I am returning to kamp. To reference a journal entry from last summer: "This is a season of my life and if it is time for it to close, then so be it. My greatest desire is to bring glory to my Lord and if I can do it better somewhere else then that is where I need to be." (7.24.11)

And with the conviction of the Holy Spirit and scripture and then conviction of that journal entry, I can't quiet that stir in my heart that Ethiopia may be where I spend my entire summer.

Pictures are Worth 1,000 Words

Been absent from the blog world for a while. Here's why:

Oklahoma State beat University of Oklahoma.

I root for the state schools. Only state schools.

Went to a K-Kauai Christmas party and these girls I have been working with since 2008. And now we all live in Branson. Ironic.

My roommate and I went to Silver Dollar City. And got a funnel cake that had been talked about for months. Literally.

Went to a Lady Antebellum concert in Springfield. Worth it.

Watch one of my closest friends of 18ish years walk down the aisle and change her last name.

On an Africa-related note: I am OFFICIALLY going for a month. I leave June 7th and will return to the states July 4th. The Lord is so good.

Life in Branson is wonderful, although I lost half my friend group due to life I love being here. The Christmas tree is still up and we just got a Tervis store. The community is challenging but such a blessing. And I go to church in a castle.